


Mchanzo vs. Karen

by punprincess321



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Amusement Parks, Assault, Child Neglect, Coffee Shops, Divorce, Homophobia, Karen encounter, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pepper Spray, Police, Protective Hanzo Shimada, Sweet Jesse McCree, Tags May Change
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-16
Updated: 2020-09-18
Packaged: 2021-03-07 03:01:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26489851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/punprincess321/pseuds/punprincess321
Summary: Karens are running amok! How do Hanzo and Jesse handle them?
Relationships: Jesse McCree/Hanzo Shimada
Comments: 12
Kudos: 39





	1. coffee is ruined

Jesse and Hanzo loved having coffee dates, it was nice to just sit in a cafe and talk with coffee, tea and pastries. Jesse opened the door of the cafe for Hanzo and the two walked in, the place had the feel of a typical Starbucks except it was owned by a corporation, it was just its own business with a sort of jazz vibe, the two overwatch agents loved coming here and were on a first name basis with most of the staff.

"I'll get our drinks, chai latte and a blueberry muffin as usual?" Hanzo asked. "You got it darlin'." Jesse replied, winking at Hanzo and doing finger guns, Hanzo snorted and walked over to the counter.

Jesse grabbed a two person table by the window and just stared out at the world, his peace was soon disturbed when he felt a tiny hand tug on his shirt, he turned his head and saw a little boy probably around 5 or 6, his face and body were rather chubby, either he had a big appetite or still had baby fat, he was wearing a Toy Story shirt which had Woody, Jessie and Bullseye on it and he had a toy horse clutched in his hand. "Excuse me, are you a cowboy?" The boy asked.

Jesse smiled at the little boy and tipped his hat. "Sure am little buddy, you like cowboys?" He asked, the boy nodded excitedly while bouncing on his feet, Jesse had to admit, it was pretty cute, it didn't take long for him to notice the boy was staring at his arm. "Ya wanna look?" He asked, the boy nodded and Jesse held out his arm for the boy to look.

Without warning, the boy grabbed Jesse's arm and yanked it off before running away, Jesse was too stunned to immediately react but when he registered what happened, he quickly followed the kid to the table where he was sitting, he was banging the prosthetic on the table and since the arm was metal and the table wood, it was obvious the piece of furniture was going to splinter but Jesse was more worried about the damage to his arm, he built that thing himself and it took forever, if it broke, he couldn't just buy a new one, not like he had the money to anyway.

The woman sitting across from her demon spawn was obviously not concerned her child was causing property damage and just kept texting, Jesse quickly walked over and got Karen's attention. "Pardon me ma'am but your son stole my arm." He said calmly, Karen looked at Jesse like he was a foul smelling piece of garbage, he could tell by the way her face scrunched up. "My baby found that toy, don't try to lie to me mister." She scolded, Jesse sighed. "It is my arm, my initials are scratched in the skull." He explained, the kid stopped hitting the table and Jesse pointed out the J.M on the metal, Karen didn't seem fazed.

"How do I know your initials are J.M? Let me see your driver's license." She demanded, Jesse looked at Karen in shock, was she serious!? "Ma'am I don't have to show you my driver's license, that arm is mine, for as you can see, I'm missing one!" He said firmly to make his point. "DON'T SHOUT AT ME!" She screamed angrily, Jesse had enough and grabbed his arm, trying to take it back from the kid who started throwing a tantrum as he tried to take the arm back.

"HELP! THIS MAN IS ASSAULTING MY BAAAAABY!" Karen screeched, everybody soon turned to see what was happening, Karen then got up and pulled out a can of mace, spraying it directly in Jesse's face. "Son of a bitch!" He exclaimed, he gave up on trying to take his arm back and rubbed his eyes, it was at that moment Hanzo came running and saw what was going on. "What happened!?" He asked in concern, Karen smiled smugly thinking Jesse was going to be in trouble and flung herself onto Hanzo.

"Oh sir! This man came up to me and my son and acted so aggressively, he then tried to take away my baby's toy and assaulted me! I had to use my mace!" She explained, Hanzo immediately called Karen on her bullshit and pushed her away. "Woman you just stole from and assaulted an amputee! What in the world makes you think I'd ever be on your side!?" He shouted at her, he quickly tended to Jesse who couldn't even see at the moment. "What happened Jesse?" He asked. "That woman's brat stole my arm, I nicely explained it was mine but she didn't believe me and then she fucking maced me when I tried to take it back!" Jesse responded, Hanzo grabbed a water bottle that an employee had given him and poured it over Jesse's eyes to try and get the mace out while Karen continued to scream until the manager of the cafe finally came out.

Hanzo was explaining the situation but Karen continued to interrupt, saying he was lying, she wanted free coffee and a cookie for her son, she was calling the police, etc. 

Hanzo had enough and turned back to her. "Will you shut your big mouth for just one measly second!?" He shouted, he said this in a tone similar to his father when he was angry, this made everyone in the cafe stop and stare, you could hear a pin drop. "Listen now and listen well, your hellspawn took something that doesn't belong to him and you have no right to keep it, this man had been polite yet you returned the favor with ignorance and dismissal, he tried to take his property back and you assaulted him with no valid reasoning for your actions, now he is blinded and in serious pain all because the entertainment of your undisciplined brat was worth more than a lawsuit!"

Karen didn't back down from the threat. "My husband is a lawyer! I guarantee you that he'll have your case thrown out of court!" She exclaimed, Hanzo's icy glare hardened. "I think your husband will have a hard time finding a way to make you seem innocent when there's video proof of you attacking my boyfriend." He said gesturing to the cameras. "I will give you a choice, return my boyfriend's arm, apologize to everyone for your disturbance and leave, or continue to run your mouth and have police escort you out." He shot back.

Karen gasped and grabbed Jesse's prosthetic from her son and threw it right at the cowboy who was still blinded, the arm hit Jesse in the head and knocked him out, some of the customers rushed over to see if they could help, Karen just went on homophobic rampage. "THAT'S A FAGS ARM SWEETIE! DON'T TOUCH IT!" She screamed, Hanzo then grabbed Karen's arm and squeezed. "You're going to regret that." He said coldly, Karen tried to get out of Hanzo's grip but he squeezed tighter, causing her immense pain.

"You aren't going anywhere until the police arrive." Hanzo told her, Karen didn't listen and just kept screaming, thinking someone would help her… nobody even approached them. The police soon arrived with paramedics and they handcuffed Karen who kicked and bit trying to get away, she kept screaming that Hanzo and his 'fag' boyfriend assaulted her and corrupted her son who was throwing a tantrum while the police got contacts for his father.

Hanzo walked over to Jesse who was now coming to and his eyes were being washed out. "Jesse, are you alright?" Hanzo asked in concern, Jesse wiped his eyes with a towel and looked at his boyfriend. "I'm fine, I've had worse experiences in restaurants." He replied with a smile, Hanzo chuckled and kissed Jesse gently before helping him reattach his arm.

"Thank god it still works." Jesse said relieved, Hanzo smiled and helped the cowboy to his feet, the police then approached them and asked if they wanted to press charges, the two looked at each other, smirked and simultaneously said yes. "The money from the lawsuit would be nice to save for a rainy day." Jesse explained, Hanzo nodded in agreement. "Yes, yes it would, I'm pretty sure all can agree she'll lose."

-

Once all the information had been gathered and it was confirmed Jesse was alright, the police and ambulance left, Hanzo let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding in and turned to Jesse. "Well that put a damper on our outing." He said, Jesse sighed and nodded in agreement, the manager then approached the two. "It's okay guys, we'll make you guys new drinks free of charge."

Well, at least the day wasn't completely ruined.


	2. amusement park

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karen's at the amusement park, what will she be doing?

The agents of overwatch loved team building exercises, it gave them a chance to just hang out and talk, they especially loved it when they went on trips to other places or on typical outings and this time it was Blizzard world.

Hanzo and Jesse had decided to wander off to do their own thing and Hanzo saw something he had to do, there was a massive roller coaster on one side of the park and he dragged Jesse to the line, they waited for what felt like forever, when in reality it was only 10 minutes, before finally getting close to the front, the carts pulled up and the previous passengers got out, Hanzo dragged Jesse to the front seats in excitement and were about to get in when this woman and her young daughter shoved past and got into the cart. "Hey! That was our spot!" Jesse said, the woman smirked. "You snooze, you lose." She said smugly, what was she? 4?

The ride operator then came and checked to make sure the restraints were properly secured, Hanzo pouted as he had to get back in line and wait, the other people in line gave him sympathy. Hanzo just decided to accept defeat when suddenly there was an argument that was coming from the front cart. "What do you mean she's too short!?" The woman shouted. "Ma'am the restraints aren't securing her properly, if we allow her to ride, she could get hurt." The operator explained calmly.

The woman huffed. "My daughter and I have been waiting for an hour to ride this ride!" She exclaimed, people in the line got pissed at this. "Lady, you shoved past everyone and even these two guys just to get their cart, you haven't waited at all!" One person said, pointing to Hanzo and Jesse, other people in the line agreed. "Mommy I wanna go on the merry go round, I don't like roller coasters…" The little girl said shyly.

Jesse facepalmed. "You're taking your too short daughter on a ride she doesn't even like? Great parenting lady!" Jesse said sarcastically, the woman glared at Jesse then at her daughter. "This is why I let your dad have custody you stupid bitch!" She exclaimed, the crowd gasped and Hanzo began throwing insults at the woman while Jesse said kind encouraging words to the little girl.

The operator managed to get the woman and her daughter off the ride but the woman left her daughter behind, the operator took the time to call the police, Hanzo and Jesse decided to put off riding the coaster to comfort the little girl, letting others go ahead of them, the police arrived and managed to track down the girl's mother. "I know the owner of this place! They'll get you all banned!" The woman screamed as she was restrained by the officers, the owner was called and she arrived not long after as she seemed to have a connection to this hassle of a patron, when she saw the woman, she facepalmed. "Again?! Sandra I banned you!" The owner said exasperated, the guards took Sandra away and the owner turned to the girl who ran and hugged her, the owner then looked at Hanzo and Jesse with a smile. "Thank you for being so nice to my niece, I'm so sorry how my sister in law behaved, take these all access passes as gratitude." She said, Hanzo took the passes and his eyes had stars in them, he let the people behind him go on the ride and dragged Jesse off with the passes.

* * *

The team was waiting at the exit for Hanzo and Jesse but it was taking them forever to get there. "Where are those two? We need to go." Lena asked, the question was soon answered when the two came around the corner carrying snacks and several prizes. "You guys ain't gonna believe what Han dragged me into." Jesse said proudly.

**Author's Note:**

> Comment where you want Hanzo and Jesse to face of against a Karen next time! ;)


End file.
